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o you want to know the single characteristic that distinguished every championship team in my coaching lifetime?

Outstanding leadership.

It can take different forms and does not have to be associated only with championship trophies, but I have never had a great team that did not have it in some abundance and variation.

In turn, there are two distinct pieces to this athletic puzzle: peer leadership among the players and the coaching/administrative leadership that creates the environment that nurtures the development of those qualities.

We will address this latter category that builds the foundation and supports the sustainability of a championship culture. In professional sports, it is more likely to be the athlete — Tom Brady, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, etc. — who determines and distinguishes their team’s achievements.  From youth sports through college, however, it is primarily the coaches who define the most successful programs.  Whether it is Mike Messere, Anson Dorrance, Pat Summit, Cathy Reese, Jim Berkman or Nick Saban, it is the coaches who first come to mind. It would be hard to overstate the measure of their influence over the young men and women at these respective institutions.

What are the characteristics and requirements for coaching leadership in a successful lacrosse program?

1. Men (and women) of value have scars

Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, Brady largely ignored in the draft and Bill Belichick fired from his position as head coach of the Cleveland Browns.  The Maryland men’s lacrosse team could not have endured much more than the 42 years and nine title games that passed between national championships.  Someone saw something in those men and we all respected the passion and determination of the Terps during their championship drought.

I have a few of those scars, and how any one of us deals with them will likely have as much to do with the person we will become as any of the championships and awards we win.

An ability to persevere and to grow may be the first component as it relates to our topic of leadership. It is about having lived a real and genuine life with the pain and joy that are part of the package. When people know you have suffered some, it helps to get their attention, to have them feel as if they can better relate to the message and the messenger.

The pain in your life, the failures, can be a profound teaching tool. Open up to the people around you, to those you want to lead.  Whatever your message, it will gather strength when woven with real life experiences.

2. Do your own laundry

My wife says I am making this up, but for me it is a vivid memory.

When we first lived together, I was standing there holding my dirty laundry and innocently asked, “What do you want me to do with this?” Her reply was some version of, “I don’t give a hoot what you do with it!” I have done my own laundry these past 40 years.

You need to be willing to serve before you can lead. Leaders must walk the walk. I would never ask someone to do something I was not willing to do myself.  Whether it is picking up balls, carrying a bag or opening a door, there is no job I would have asked a player, an assistant, the strength coach or the janitor to do that I would not simply have done myself.

Things that need to be done should never be beneath you. They rest alongside scoring goals, making saves and all the other things that go in to creating a winning environment. It was always gratifying to me at the end of a practice when we were searching for balls to see the seniors and All-Americans two fields over while the freshmen were gathered together in the middle of the field comparing their high school exploits. The older guys got the message. 

3. You can never take it back

I became a better, more successful, coach when I learned to talk to my staff and players in a positive way.

Coaches are often the smartest and most clever people on a practice field, and the players give us lots of material for biting sarcasm. I know how hard it can be to bite your tongue instead, but you will win more and be more successful if you can make this adjustment in your language.

Working to encourage loyalty in the people around us is to speak with them respectfully. They never forget.   

4. People hearing without listening

That iconic lyric of Paul Simon reminds us that being a good listener is a powerful skill for a confident leader.  The people we are trying to reach need to know that we are open to their commentary, empathetic to their needs and willing to make adjustments.

At the same time, there are limits to the amount of input, especially from a group.  Too many opinions can limit efficiency, create confusion and is almost inversely proportional to constructive consensus.

Be a good listener, for a while.  You are going to have to make the final call anyway. Know when to cut to the chase.

5. Take responsibility

The best teacher I had as an undergraduate at Brown was in education. He consistently emphasized that a teacher is responsible for everything that goes on in their classroom — including students not paying attention or being unruly. Everything fell on the shoulders of the teacher.

It was a message that really hit home. You’re an educator, a teacher, a coach. The players are your students. The weight room, the locker room and the practice field, that’s your classroom.

“We’re not getting better.”

“They’re not listening to me.”

“We’re not improving.”

Don’t blame them. Don’t blame others.

Figure it out. Fix it. Create an environment where they are learning, where they are engaged, where they get a chance to grow. You don’t get to pass the blame. You don’t get to take a day off.

Leaders are always on and always step up when hard decisions need to be made.

6. Strengthen your team from the bottom up

One of the most important tasks of those in a leadership role is to convince each and every person in the chain of command of how important each of their roles will be in determining the team’s ultimate success.

I would be so bold as to tell you that I became absolutely convinced over the course of a long career that everyone’s role was equally important. Different? Yes, of course, but equally important.  While one person, almost anyone on a team or in an organization, can lift the entire group, the inverse also is true. One person can bring it all down.  We are only as strong as our weakest link.

Make the least important feel as if he is the most. When the last guy on the roster is first in the running, it forces the guys who get all the attention on game day to elevate their effort and performance.

7. Make it personal

I often use a variation of this expression in reference to recruiting. It also applies in this context: To be an effective leader, you need good people around you.

In fact, the most important factor in this entire exercise may be an emphasis on finding good people and keeping them on board. A sports psychologist might have a field day with this, but I always felt that I was too busy to try to separate work and family. I talked with my players the way I spoke with my children, and the values that mattered at home were carried in to the locker room.

What is the difference between Carolina and Virginia, Penn and Brown, Lehigh and Colgate? Generally, it is us. You need good people. You want to keep good people. Make it about you and your family. Make it about their family. Don’t be afraid to show vulnerability. Show them you care.

8. Authenticity is a scent. So is a lack of authenticity

I may not quite be sure how to define this quality, but I sure as heck can tell when it enters the room. Authenticity is about honesty, and it is some combination of walking the walk and making it personal.

It is hard to say something meaningful to a team every day. On those days, rather than making up some false narrative, I often will open by simply saying, “I can’t think of anything clever to say today.”

I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to look at their faces and have their expressions calmly replying in an unspoken way, “No sweat, Coach. We’ve got your back.”

One of my favorites is telling the players that motivating them the day before a game is like getting ready for a first date. Man, you just want to say the right thing to have this girl think you are just the coolest. We all know that impression fades quickly.

What prevails in the end is the substance of your character, your preparation. That is what will truly make the difference. When your team is woven into the fabric of your life, when the people around you know you would do anything for them and they would do anything for you, that is the picture of effective leadership.

9. It’s worth it

If you asked me to boil down in to one sentence what it is that I have been doing these past 42 years, it has been trying to convince young men that it is worth the sacrifices that are required to be successful.

If leadership is defined as an individual’s ability to influence others, then hardly an hour has gone by in my life when I was not considering how to make that point more effectively — gathering good people and convincing them that it is worth the sacrifices, whatever it is we are asking them to do.

Don’t be afraid to tell your team that it is hard. It’s supposed to be hard. Hard reminds us that the endeavor is special. In fact, if it doesn’t feel hard, tell them that they are not working hard enough at it.  At the same time, don’t forget to tell them there hardly anything is more worthwhile than can be attained by accomplishing something as a group.

10. One last thought

It is how you treat people that will ultimately define the measure of your ability to lead them.