This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Sydney Watson is an All-American midfielder at the University of Connecticut.

Picture this. It is the year 2015, you are a sophomore in high school and you have a goal to play collegiate lacrosse. You come from an area that is not on the map for having Division I college worthy athletes, nor do you play on a club team that anyone knows. You attend camps here and there in hopes that a coach shows some interest in your playing skills, but you are not too sure you’ll have that opportunity.

That is what it was like for me in the early years of high school, coming from a small area in southern Maryland.

Fast forward to today, 2022. I am now entering my last semester as a collegiate athlete at the University of Connecticut, having opportunities to help my team reach new milestones, play for Team USA, and learning from mentors, coaches and teammates alike, along the way.

Now, rewind the entire story. Add in the fact that you are a Black woman trying to succeed in a white dominated sport. You live in a predominantly white community. You are sometimes the only Black player on your teams, and you rarely see anyone else Black on the field. Yet, despite all obstacles, you succeed.

The road I have traveled was far from easy. Beginning in high school, there were plenty remarks about my race, whether it was coming from other players, coaches or even parents in the stands. My mom, who is white, would hear them all around her because they didn’t realize I was her daughter, which is why my mom now decides to always sit far away from other parents or fans. I would constantly hear people say, “She’s only fast because she’s Black,” or “Great, the Black girl … she’s too aggressive,” or “She is such a dirty player!”

One of the comments that hurt me the most was from an assistant coach from my rival high school. I had known this woman since I was in elementary school. Her daughter and I played on the same team as kids. I truly believe she cared for me and respected my game. Well, I was wrong. During the match, she screamed at me, “You are nothing but a dirty player! You don’t know how to play soccer.” Then she yelled to the ref, “That Black girl is terrible, do something about her!” I was angry. I was sad. And I was hurt.

There were always times when you would hear the racial comments, the occasional word that should never be spoken directed at someone. These situations didn’t occur in just lacrosse, but they occurred on and off so many other athletic fields as well. Back then, for me, these were the moments where I would stay silent. I would attempt to let my play prove everyone wrong and hopefully make them eat their own words and comments. I never shared what they said to me, I would just keep it to myself and remember it; carry it with me and use it as fuel as I kept chasing my goals.

Today, I look back at the girl who kept her mouth shut and never shared those experiences, and I wish I had. I wish I had stuck up for myself, showed those teenagers and adults that their words were not OK. I wish I had showed other players of color that it is good to stand up for yourself; to teach others the rights and wrongs in these types of situations. Now, I find myself trying to make up for those moments, to share my experiences and call out comments that are not appropriate. The unfortunate truth is, I don’t think they will ever go away. These experiences do not just disappear. Even as a college athlete, I have played against teams where these comments come from players on the sidelines, yelling inappropriate things while their coaches do not do or say a single thing about it, even potentially adding a comment or two themselves. You may not hear them. You may not see them. But I do, and I don’t forget them.

This is what is so great about my experience at UConn. I am extremely thankful to be a part of a team that cares so much and supports one another no matter our color or our background. Our coaches hold themselves and us accountable to learn and teach. As a Black athlete on our team, I was able to share experiences and ways to help and spread positivity with the team. Raye, another Black teammate, also got to share her stories and ways that our teammates can support not only us, but other players of color.

I ended up exactly where I was supposed to be. I am a Husky. This team is truly a family and hears the hardships but also understands that we do not want to be treated any different than anyone else. We are all collegiate women who play lacrosse with UConn on our chests. The only thing that makes us different is the number that goes beneath it.

I have learned so much from others over these last five years, and these other experiences and stories I have heard taught me that staying silent benefits no one. I had an opportunity to be a part of Future Leaders of the Game: IWLCA Students of Color Leadership Academy for the first few weeks of January, where I learned more than I can explain. We had the chance to listen to multiple mentors and other player’s experiences playing collegiate lacrosse and there was so much to take in. This leadership academy was designed to let players of color to know and understand that even if this sport if predominately white, we, too, can be leaders. We can be the players that others look for leadership, advice, experience and so much more.

I am a proud Black woman, and I am a Husky. Only I define who I am.

The future of lacrosse is so bright. I am glad to be a part of that future. Every day, we take strides in the right direction as a sport. If things start to take a turn, there are a variety of allies who have the backs of one another to help the sport continue to move forward. We must hold ourselves, coaches, fans and athletic departments accountable for what happens on and off the field. We are the ones who point them in the right direction. In order for the sport to continue to improve, we need to do a handful of different things:

• Encourage each other

• Push each other

• Lean on each other

• Support each other

• Be an ally

• Fight for what you believe

• Share your stories

• Hear their stories

• Be open to teach and to learn

• Chase your dreams

• Work hard everyday

• Never back down; Never get discouraged

• Believe in yourself and your team

This is bigger than sports or lacrosse, this is life. It must be treated like it.