Behind the Whistle: Building Trust is a Daily Action

This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Emily Boissonneault is the head coach of the Pittsburgh women's lacrosse team.

I am humbled by the development and growth that I have made as a coach over the last few years. While success can be measured by a team’s ability to implement a defensive system and complete an offensive set, I feel the true root of my success came from learning how to build the trust required to inspire and empower my athletes.

As our sport continues to grow, so does the list of hurdles that we must jump to satisfy our athletes. I don’t know if I am a sucker or I am on to something, but so far, building up the trust of my athletes seems to be working.

An athlete who knows their coach believes in them and trusts their coach’s vision is an athlete who doesn’t hesitate. These athletes make their decisions built on trust and become the fearless lacrosse players we all hope to develop.

With that being said, I wanted to share five critical areas of development that I believe make a difference in my experiences and relationships.

Learning to follow up whether I am right or wrong

Anyone that knows me knows that I hate being wrong. I am confident in my decision making, and it takes me time to digest new ideas or theories. The first adjustment I needed to make as a coach was following up with athletes no matter where the fault may lie.

Our athletes want to be reassured; we are their leaders and role models. If we call them out or disagree in a private or public setting, it is important to “clean up” the tension. This is a shout out to one of my mentors, Shelley Klaes-Bawcombe, head coach at James Madison University. Shelley’s focus has always been on the well-being of the athletes. If we are sending them home mad and frustrated, they are usually going to come back to practice mad or spread that negativity within the team. So, I learned pretty quickly during my experience at JMU to follow up with these types of encounters.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t go into these conversations apologizing for what I said or how I felt. The conversation usually starts with, “How are you?” and, “Do you understand why I reacted the way I did?” Then, I would give the athlete the opportunity to voice her opinion, so that she had the chance to lay out her emotions before she went home. My goal is for her to evaluate the situation or behavior so that we could learn from it and focus on the positive. It allows us to have a mutual understanding the next time we are in a similar situation or for her to support me and my decisions moving forward. Occasionally, the conversation ends in me gaining some much-needed insight toward her or the team.

Although this is simple and most of us do this, it is one of easiest ways to show our athletes we have a genuine care for their happiness and success.

Ask your athletes for advice

This one is a personal favorite. I was fortunate to be part of a program that everyone felt the value in what they were doing. Ever since then, I have committed to implementing this as a daily practice.

On every team, you probably have one or two athletes that want to talk shop; they have ideas and find a way to impact the team in a more profound way. What I’ve learned quickly is that most of our players have an interesting perspective that we don’t always hear. One day, I decided to have a one-on-one meeting with all the athletes I was directly coaching (defensive unit). I asked each of them the same question, “What do you think we need to be better at as a defensive unit and as a team?” After hearing their responses, I would ask, “So, what can you do to help?”

The conversations with the starters were easier. They had an obvious and direct impact on what was happening. The conversations with the non-starters had to be more creative. By asking the question, it often empowered them to feel like an asset to the development of the team. More importantly, I showed the players that I needed and valued them.

These are the players that are needed to push your team to the next level. You will be surprised by the insight and drive they have when the opportunity is given.

Tell them how it is

I probably sound soft after sharing how much I care about how each athlete feels. Let me clarify, I never let my opinion, or my job of coaching, be impacted by this philosophy. A huge part of building trust is being honest and not confusing the athlete by sugarcoating the truth. Let me repeat, not confusing the athlete by sugarcoating the truth. How we prepare the athlete to bounce back after hearing the message is the most important.

As leaders, we need to find a way to be prepared to help our athletes to discover options and solutions to make better decisions moving forward. Again, this seems simple, but I have been in enough meetings where the athletes leave unsatisfied or confused. Go into every conversation with solutions and show them that you care about their personal development.

I am currently reading Bob Bowman’s “The Golden Rules,” and in the foreword, Michael Phelps says, “Not every day can be a gold medal-winning one. Hard times are a part of the deal. Working through adversity is a component of ‘excellence training.’”

He goes on to thank Bob Bowman, his coach, for teaching him that skill. I hope my athletes can reflect on our conversation with this mindset.

Show them you are willing to do the work

Be the selfless leader you want your athletes to be. The coach that can live by their philosophies is the one that will truly gain the respect of their players. Invest in them outside of practice. They are going to learn to do the extra work on their own or inspire teammates to join. Pick up balls and do the dirty work at practice. They will, too. Don’t let them hear you complain and don’t accept it from them.

Show them what it feels like and looks like to be cared for. It will not resonate with everyone, but someone will see, and they will learn to lead the team. Our job is to lead — we can’t do that without being leaders by example.

Don’t stop

Building trust gets easier over time, but we are in an industry that requires us to push our athletes to be great, and once they’re great, we push them to be even greater. We don’t stop in this pursuit of greatness. To make the athlete truly believe, we need to be in constant communication with the people we are pushing.

My goal is to help my athletes reach their potential and to fall in love with the process. In an industry that is driven by success and student happiness, building trust within our teams allows us to push them harder and to greater heights. But again, it is our job to build and maintain it. It takes a lot of time and effort, but it is a worthwhile investment.