This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Megan Whittle is an assistant coach at Stanford.
“And be sure to keep your light bright and shining – you never know just how many people you may be a lighthouse for. You never know how many people find their way home, even in the wildest storms, because you are there.” – Cleo Wade
Within the lacrosse world, I am seeing a trend of student-athletes sharing their personal struggles with mental health. Through podcasts, articles and social media posts, current and former collegiate lacrosse players are openly discussing what types of mental health issues they are dealing with or persevered through, as well as the valuable lessons they learned along the way. With each story I encounter, I feel more comfortable opening up about my own journey with mental health. I am listening, learning and discovering coping strategies that could have helped me in college and will help me in the future when I inevitably encounter adversity in my life as a coach.
I’d like to share a few of the mental health and wellness “lighthouses” I’ve found during the pandemic. These bright lights are stories from a few amazing lacrosse players, and they have each reminded me how important taking care of my own mental health is. These young women are strengthening the lacrosse community and laying the groundwork for younger generations of laxers to come by normalizing conversations about mental health — something that is too often seen as a “weakness” in our society. These young women have shared their personal journeys with grace and embraced vulnerability. I encourage all players and coaches to follow their lead and incorporate more vulnerability into their daily lives.
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The first light comes from my own Terp teammate, Nikki Sliwak, who shared her journey with anxiety and depression so eloquently on the UMD website earlier in quarantine. Please give her story a read — she describes how she copes with an eating disorder and perfectionism, and she also highlights how much her late father impacted her life. If you’ve had the pleasure of meeting her, you know Nikki is a special person; she is a beautiful soul and one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. There is one particular act of kindness Nikki shared with me during our time together in College Park. I’m not sure she will remember this, but I will never forget it.
My senior year at Maryland, I was sitting outside my apartment on a bench crying to myself. I had just found out that my younger sister was being sent to shock trauma in Baltimore as a result of a horrific injury she sustained during a field hockey game. I had never experienced a panic attack before and could feel my world shattering right before my eyes. Out of nowhere, Nikki Sliwak comes running towards me. She was going on her daily jog around campus and happened to stumble upon my sniffling, sad self on the bench. Nikki ran right up to me and gave me the biggest hug. She held me for a moment as I cried and said, “It’s all going to be OK, OK?”
She didn’t even know what was going on in my life. I hadn’t told any of my teammates about my sister’s hospitalization, but that’s all she had to say to make me feel seen. I feel so lucky to have shared two years at Maryland together, but I am also upset with myself that I wasn’t more supportive of her while she was struggling. I’m so proud of Nikki for having the courage to share her story which, I’m sure, has already opened the doors for more conversations about mental health in College Park.
I’m sure many of you have seen the recent article Anna Callahan wrote for Inside Lacrosse where she discussed her personal identity and being “unapologetically herself.” If you haven’t gotten a chance to read it yet, go do that right now. Seriously. Anna is an awesome laxer at Duke who grew up down the street from me in Glenwood, Md. I never got the chance to play with or against Anna in high school or college, but I feel such a strong connection after reading her story. I personally identified with her reluctance to reach out for help in fear of being seen as “weak” and her stubbornness to admit that she actually had a problem that she needed to address.
Anna also mentioned how difficult it was for her to deal with the loss of her friend and teammate, Morgan Rodgers. Please check out and support Morgan’s Message, the foundation Morgan’s parents created in her honor that aims to remove the stigma surrounding mental health in collegiate athletics by creating more opportunities for dialogue. Anna’s words are powerful, and her ongoing journey of acceptance — truly embracing her genuine, authentic self — is inspiring. Although I don’t know her well, I am so proud of Anna for sharing her story. Whether or not she knows it, Anna is de-stigmatizing the concept of asking for help with your mental health by framing it like a physical injury. You would ask your trainer for help if a bodily injury popped up after practice one day, so why do we hesitate to reach out for help when our mind isn’t in the right place? By being vulnerable, Anna is changing the culture of lacrosse and so many will follow her lead. 21738 represent!
Another bright light in my personal life is my England team. My English teammates are genuinely my favorite people in the world. Their dedication and passion for lacrosse is unmatched, but it is their kindness and warmth that motivates me daily. On October 10, World Mental Health Awareness Day, my best mate and fellow England attacker Torz Anderson shared her journey with depression and anxiety after her father’s sudden passing in 2013. Check out her article; her raw and honest account of her ongoing journey with mental health is so inspiring.
She writes, “Please remember that; Asking for help is not weak. Talking about your mental health is not weak. Having sad days or not getting out of bed is not weak. Canceling plans because you don’t feel up to it is not weak. Crying is not weak. Doing all of these things mean you are strong — these things allow you to fully acknowledge what you are feeling inside and be aware of them so you can try and take action.”
Torz has opened up to me personally over the years about the mental health journey, and I’m so proud of her for being brave and vulnerable in sharing her story with the world. I am confident that she has impacted so many people already simply by being her compassionate, empathetic, beautiful, lovely self. Torz is one of the biggest lighthouses in my life, and I genuinely don’t know where I would be without her.
Finally, this fall, two of our beautiful, talented, amazing Stanford student-athletes, Mikaela Watson and Kyra Pelton, created a podcast called “Been There.” There are so many amazing voices that are shared in this podcast, and I encourage you to listen to all of their episodes. This podcast highlights vulnerability and is specifically geared towards sharing the journeys of female collegiate athletes (not just lacrosse players) from all walks of life dealing with a variety of personal issues. Through interviews with athletes who are at different points in their careers and dealing with their own individual struggles, Mikaela and Kyra are able to discuss a broad spectrum of topics. They have episodes that discuss battling OCD and depression, being a Black student-athlete in a predominantly white sport, being diagnosed with cancer in college, dealing with eating disorders, body image and so much more. By starting this podcast, Mikaela and Kyra have created a platform for other female student-athletes to be brave and confident in sharing their stories. Their intent was to elevate the voices of other resilient, powerful young women, hoping listeners will find comfort knowing that others have been there too. I am just so proud to be their coach.
So amazing, right? I’m proud of these badass women for sharing their stories, and I’m excited for more lighthouses to pop up in the future within the lacrosse world. I encourage you to find more lighthouses of your own and to be the brightest lighthouse you can be for everyone around you.