This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Kelsey Howard is an assistant coach at Colby College.
“It’s the little things.” A phrase I often find myself saying in those insignificant moments that occur more than we realize. During this time of year, I often remember all the little things that I am most grateful for.
It’s sitting in a room during the IWLCA Convention with your friends who are on a similar, but different journey, listening to Dr. Hacker’s inspirational words to keep going. Hearing that the little things we do matter.
Listening to Dr. Hacker recount the story of the 1996 US Women’s soccer gold medal match, I was reminded that it really is about the seemingly inconsequential moments. I listened as Dr. Hacker recounted her experience. She spoke not of the player that had scored the game winning goal against China, but about the player who had stepped up big in the one second before the goal that made the difference. She told us about Joy Fawcett. Fawcett had made the run from her right back position to head the ball to Tiffeny Milbrett to bury a shot for the decisive goal. It's then that I was reminded that the little things we do matter. If Fawcett had not stepped up, China could have very well scored, and history would have forever been altered. While Milbrett’s name is in the books as the goal scorer, it goes unsaid that Fawcett was as important, if not more important in that moment.
As a coach, we are always trying to say and do the right things. Sometimes we think we must have all the right words and reward student-athletes with prizes or gear, but I believe it’s little moments every day that matter most. It’s the text that says “congrats” for an exam they were stressed about and aced, and the mental health check-in asking for them to respond with a heart emoji that represents how they are feeling so we can check in from there (thanks Hopkins lacrosse/Janine Tucker for this idea). It’s the coffee dates, the asking about family, the little video clip that shows they did exactly what they had been trying to work on all week in the game. These are the little things that help build confidence, and show support and appreciation, and ultimately prepare them for those big (and even little) moments in games.
It’s waking up at 6:00 am for a fitness test with your team, even though you know you could have slept for another hour; watching the players accomplish things they have never done before... Being able to see the smiles on their faces as they cheer on teammates and feeling so impressed with how they have committed to the goals they’ve set for themselves.
It’s meeting new coaches who are so excited for you and the journey you are on. It’s being offered their advice and support, whether it be at their team practices to “steal” some new drills, or being willing to be on a phone call when you have no idea what you’re supposed to be presenting about on the IWLCA’s financial status.
It’s family and friends who pick up food for you because you are grinding away on recruiting calls and emails and you forgot to go to the grocery store when you returned home from the weekend’s events.
It’s a boss who always makes you feel supported when you want to try new things. One who encourages you to go out of your comfort zone, and who listens to anything and everything you have to say. A boss that teaches you how to be a better leader and person every day.
My boss has been in my corner even before I got to Colby. It only took her three phone calls, and three separate assistant position openings (yes, I was still in college when she called the first time!) to convince me to come to Colby. Now, five years later, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. I have many stories of my time with her – we’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve been angry, we’ve celebrated, we’ve coped, but mostly we’ve had some serious fun. While I could share these stories and how they are some of the experiences that make it hard for me to ever want to leave, I’ll leave you with this…
The thing that I love most about my boss is that she is always one of the first phone calls or text messages on a good or bad day. When we have a tough loss, she’s the first to call and check on me when we leave the office or are on the bus home. When I ran for a position on the IWLCA board and got it, hers was the first congratulations text I received. During the holidays, she’s the first to call or text to wish me a happy holiday and say how grateful she is for me and what I do. It’s these things that make me feel valued, important, cared about, and make me want to do whatever I can to help her. These seemingly small acts of kindness make a world of difference.
Truly, it’s all the other people you meet along the way and the laughs you have with them that I am most grateful for. The seemingly insignificant moments that give every day meaning and not just the days where the big events happen. I am grateful for all the people that do the little things to make the not so important days important.