This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Michelle Tumolo is the head coach of the Wagner women's lacrosse team. She is also a member of the U.S. national team.

Hi, everyone! Michelle Tumolo here.

Something that may not be news to quite literally any of you is that I am a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve had a few amazing opportunities in the last month or so to share my story, to hear the stories of my peers who identify as LGBTQ+, as well as the stories of our allies in the lacrosse community. I have received incredible feedback and support that I am very grateful for. However, the most powerful and inspiring messages I have received are from young athletes and their family members who share their gratefulness for leaders in the lacrosse community that are being transparent with their identities. In bringing to light a topic that is not often talked about in our sport, I have realized that my purpose for sharing is much greater than I ever knew.

A little more about me and my journey in becoming the “Out and Proud” coach/person I am today. I am from South Jersey (Mullica Hill, exit 2 off the NJ Turnpike to be exact — woot woot!). I went to Clearview High School, where lacrosse was a brand-new program to the district. The memories I have of playing sports during those years are so clear to me because they helped identify so much of who I am. I felt the most “me” when I had some type of athletic clothing on or sports equipment in my hands. I would count down the seconds until I was able to leave the classroom to be with my best friends and teammates at practice. The practice field/court was where I was able to express myself the most, the Michelle Tumolo you all know so well.

I didn’t know that I was soon going to discover this version of myself I had been waiting to blossom into for 15 years. Yes, 15 years old is when I first felt the raw emotion of liking a girl. I was scared, I was confused, but it felt right. Surprisingly enough, lacrosse was less familiar to the school body than LGBTQ+ identifying people, so I was able to explore that side of myself with little judgment in my circle. I was so young and had put so much pressure on myself to be great at any and every sport I was involved in. While unpacking these “new feelings,” I became extremely anxious. I bring this up because it is important to me that I share that those anxious feelings were formed in my own head. I was worried about what my family, friends, etc. would think of me if I came out. It is common as human beings to create these narratives before taking the time to actually think of the people who are around you. That’s why, as a coach of 30-plus young women, it is my priority to create a culture where my players can be their most authentic selves, whomever that may be. It is in our nature to want to feel validated, but I was validated before I even knew it. I was accepted, I was loved, I was treated no differently than I was before I came out. I know I am lucky because that’s not how it is for everyone. It shouldn’t be about “luck,” though. It should be easy to celebrate the differences of each individual and what makes them who they are, inside and out.

As coaches, we have a unique platform that allows us to influence the lives of so many, day in and day out. What does that look like for you? Are you an inclusive coach? It is our job to recruit a team full of young women (or men) from different areas, with different backgrounds, to connect on and off the field, creating a second family they didn’t know they needed. Yes, I know we need to win games and coach them to be the best lacrosse players they can be, but who they are off the field is simply more important. Each player has a story that makes them who they are, or who they are becoming. Some may include identifying as a proud LGBTQ+ athlete, some may not. Either way, will that player feel comfortable to be who they are on your team?

Ask yourself that question deep down to your core. What have you done to make sure they know that you are inclusive and an ally? It’s OK to make mistakes. I’m nowhere near perfect and I’m still learning every day, but it is important to educate yourself and your staff to create a safe environment for those who may need it most. I believe it’s also important to create a safe place for yourself as a coach. Being out and very open, I make it a point to talk about my fiancée like someone would their boyfriend or husband, especially while recruiting a player. I want them to know that this is who I am, and this is who they will play for, a proud gay coach. I’ve never felt different while coaching my incredible team at Wagner, which plays a huge role in my happiness. The players and their families treat Lara and I like we have been a part of their lives forever. I never have to think twice about looking into the stands at my fiancée, my biggest fan, wondering if we are supported. I cherish that more than they’ll ever know.

I talk about team culture a lot. I believe great team culture helps win games. I also believe great team culture creates a dynamic bond between players and coaches that lasts a lifetime. It starts with us, the coaches. Be a good leader with words AND actions. Get to know your players for who they are. You never know what a kid is feeling because it is invisible. There is no way to tell from the human eye, but if they know they can show up to their dorm, locker room, the field, etc. as the person they are on the inside, I promise you will be more influential and impactful than you ever knew. This doesn’t mean you have to know every single thing about your players or know if someone is LGBTQ+ in the moment. It’s about the environment you create. Be the coach who is remembered for the lessons and values you instill, on top of the creative plays or X’s and O’s you teach.

In short, be proud of who you are and celebrate those around you. I encourage you all to live authentically. I guarantee there is a young woman or man looking up to you as a leader, or maybe a peer that needed your guidance. Don’t be afraid to speak up (like Chris Sailer said!).

I want to thank the IWLCA for giving me this platform! Happy Pride Month to all!