Political pundit Michael Smerconish has a special coming up on CNN titled, “Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started Talking.” Different versions of this have floated around the literary world since just about forever.
The first chapter in my book (“I Hope You Will Be Very Happy,” available on Amazon) was a letter to my son as he was headed off to college. Every father would like to help someone near and dear to avoid the early pitfalls and potholes that lie in the path of a college career. Of course, I wrote the letter 10 years after Joe completed his freshman year at Lynchburg. Maybe I can help someone else.
Let’s see if I can “split the atom” here by revealing to you that we generally get smarter as we get older. The time required to grow up, maybe even especially through the difficult moments, is time well spent. However, there are some developments in our lives that may not have seemed momentous at the time but became a significant influence on the person we became.
Just as I wish I had sent that letter to Joe before he actually started on his undergraduate journey, I would like to share some of the observations with young coaches that helped me become a more efficient and effective version of myself.
I became a better leader and a better, more successful coach when I practiced these seven behaviors.
1. Learn to frame your language in a positive way.
That does not mean that you cannot be firm with players or come down hard on them at an appropriate time. It means biting your tongue on the sarcasm and taking the extra moment to express what someone can do rather than consistently expressing what they can’t.
If you say something in the heat of the moment that may be clever but cuts to a player’s core, you will find that the negative consequences are vastly disproportionate to your actual intent. But you can never take it back and they will never forget. When the moment comes that you are in distress and need some support, it will undoubtedly come back in your face.
Players want to be disciplined. They want you to set limits for behavior and performance. They don’t even mind being yelled at. But apply those standards consistently, and don’t make it personal with any one player.
2. Insist on honesty and truthfulness in all circumstances.
The question I get asked most often in these recent years is about the common characteristics of our most successful teams. My response is always that those teams trusted each other in a unique way and that trust extended itself between the players and between the players and the coaches.
In turn, the core pillar of trust is honesty. It starts when you look in the mirror but it is woven into every relationship. It may be difficult at times to tell someone the truth, but they will respect your directness over time and it will contribute to a competitive environment where great performances are encouraged and facilitated.
The inverse is also true. Nothing tears a team down quicker than a lack of trust among the participants.
3. Know it’s OK to say, “I don’t know.”
I am not trying to let anyone off the hook here, but I found it so liberating the first time I told one of my players that I just did not know all the answers (on or off the field).
A former minister in our church was a wonderful man whose sermons were consistently thought-provoking and inspiring. At the same time, I don’t recall that he ever definitively answered any question. He gave us information, observations and shreds of truth, but left us to solve our own puzzles.
This method applies to the locker room. Let your players figure out some of these things on their own. Their journey will be more meaningful, their destinations more fulfilling and their commitment more complete. This is hard to do in an age of hyper management, but the players will come to respect your openness (and that you don’t have to know all the answers). Teach them to fish.
4. Commit to making every player on the team feel as if his role is the most important.
On the practice field, put an arm around those players who may not see the field on Saturday. Joke with them. Having those players in your corner brightens everyone’s days. Your people skills will pay a big dividend.
5. Respond to people promptly.
It’s not good news or bad. It’s bad news that is hard to deliver.
“I have to drop you from our schedule.”
“We cannot continue to support your application.”
Do it first thing in the morning. Do not take it home. It was Abe Lincoln who said, “You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” People will come to respect your timely approach.
6. Commit to something that benefits those less fortunate.
I know you will encourage your team to do community service. Find something that touches your core, that exists in your life separately from the daily travails of coaching. We tend not to do these things because we believe we are so busy and we could not possibly have the time. The old maxim, “If you want something done, give it to a busy man (or woman),” applies here. It is healthy to have a place not affected by wins and losses and, yes, you have the time.
7. Be your authentic self.
A young coach at the IMLCA convention asked me for the single piece of advice I would give someone about to be a head coach for the first time. Consider the question yourself if you were put on the spot.
My response to that coach might still be the same now that I have had time to consider the question: “Be your authentic self.”
I would like to think I have learned from every coach on my journey — inspired by some and shown what not to do by others. The truth for most of us lies somewhere near the middle of all these options. Find your comfort zone and focus on being the best version of yourself.
Hope you and your family stay safe and well.