A little over a year ago, as we plotted out the “Myth Busters” edition of US Lacrosse Magazine, our art director, Gabriella O’Brien, met with Gordon Corsetti for an official’s perspective on popular misconceptions in the game. Gordon came prepared with a draft entitled, “Lacrosse Saved My Life.”
Moments later, the three of us were inside a vacant office, discussing the magnitude of what Gordon shared in this memoir — a raw and visceral depiction of his struggle with mental illness and how close he came to ending his own life.
“The stigma of mental illness and the taboo of suicide combine to create a myth that no one cares. This leads people in pain to cultivate silence and live with a mask of normality so those around them don’t suspect the depths of their hurt. I suffered depression in silence and I tried to kill myself without telling a soul. My silence did nothing for me then and it does nothing now for those in the agonizing grip of an ill mind,” Gordon wrote then. “I write this to bust the myth that no one cares, that no one understands. So that someone in a dark place can read hopeful words, and so I can finally be free of my silence.”
Stunned, I pored over his words. It didn’t take long for the three of us to reach the conclusion that Gordon’s story of friendship and survival would inspire our readers. Nearly 20 percent of Americans, undiscerning of age or gender, live with mental health conditions.
But a glancing article cobbled together quickly and thrown into a series about scholarships, concussions and statistical trends in the sport did not seem like the appropriate treatment. We decided if we were going to do the story, we wanted to do it right. We thanked Gordon for entrusting us with this very personal story, hugged it out and tabled the draft.
Privately, I wanted to give Gordon every opportunity not to do it. He still struggles with the effects of depression and anxiety. Would putting this out there so publicly have an adverse effect on his recovery?
I underestimated Gordon’s resolve. He persisted. The benefit of helping others in pain far outweighed any personal risk. We sat down for a three-hour interview and integrated Gordon’s personal writings, resulting in perhaps the most powerful piece we’ve ever produced.
Within 24 hours of the September/October edition hitting mailboxes, we received hundreds of emails. Still more of you sounded off on social media. A small sample of that response is shown below.
Please share Gordon’s story with anyone you know who might benefit from its message. I know I have.
“The lacrosse community is strengthened at a deep, live-saving space.”
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“It hit me in a way that few things have. I have faced similar struggles. The time on the field allows me to block out everything, even if just for a couple of hours. It’s great to know that I’m not alone.”
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"As an educator and coach, I can promise you without a doubt, absolutely no questions asked: You have saved lives through your openness and willingness to share."
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“You compel me to reflect on depression in my family — the choices I’ve made and need to make — to be there for others.”
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“This is why we love this sport and its people.”
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“I have worked in the mental health field for almost 30 years and I have never read a more powerful personal story. We all have demons, but most of us don’t have the courage to put them up there on a wall for others to see.”
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The most profound article I have ever read in US Lacrosse Magazine.
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“We lost two high school players to suicide in the last nine months. My own son attempted suicide last winter due to concussion-related ramifications from a devastating hit he took on the lacrosse field in 2015. Gordon is an amazing and extremely brave individual. He took the time to reach out to my son when he heard what was going on. He had a big part in saving our son’s life and helping our family move forward.”
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“Suicide is a difficult and frightening topic, but silence doesn’t make it go away. Silence empowers suicide. Every time an individual, and especially an organization like yourself, speaks up about it, suicide loses some of its hold.”
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“My husband died by suicide in 2009. My son is a lacrosse player, and I encourage his teammates to participate in our local AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk each year. Stopping the stigma is an important part, and having articles in sports magazines is a great step.”
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“I am the mother of a 16-year-old boy that adores lacrosse and the brotherhood of friends he has found within his teams. Earlier this month, he lost a dear friend to suicide. He also lost two other friends to suicide his freshman year, and has a best friend who attempted suicide and was in a coma for a brief time. I deeply appreciate the awareness you are bringing to mental illness and suicide.”
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“As the mom of a lacrosse player who has been diagnosed with major depression, I’d like to thank you for sharing this story. My son too has attempted suicide. We have learned so much as we’ve gone through this journey. The most important lessons include: keeping active, taking time to enjoy the outdoors, and developing strong relationships. In other words, lacrosse helps.”
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