From the Editor: A Challenge to Lacrosse (and All Sports) Parents

Editor's note: This column appears in the July/August edition of USA Lacrosse Magazine and garnered attention over the weekend when former NFL quarterback and current ESPN analyst Dan Orlovsky shared it on social media.

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MY 11-YEAR-OLD SON and athlete derides the fact that his father only cares about sportsmanship and having fun. It’s a problem I need to explain why that’s OK.

He hates that I always defend the officials and compliment opponents. He can’t fathom why I would prefer a hard-fought loss over a blowout win.

He’s getting serious about sports now, you see, and for some reason that means I should scour the standings and join the finger-pointing parade on the sidelines.

He almost had me second-guessing myself. Like, maybe I should care more about the results, his performance and all the teams’ records. We play sports to win, don’t we? Had I been so brainwashed by working at a governing body for nearly 20 years that I lost my competitive edge?

But then I saw the viral TikTok of a lacrosse mom holding a baby and screaming obscenities at a high school student while an official attempts to escort her from a state playoff game. And the Reddit headline about the lacrosse dad who tried to fight a ref.

These are extreme examples. But they illustrate a troubling trend of parents behaving badly at sporting events. And in my experience as a coach and observer, these blow-ups all start somewhere.

The temperature turns up in a competitive game and the mother who arrived smiling about the weather starts pacing nervously. “Oh, c’mon!” a father yells after a non-call when his kid falls to the ground in a 50-50 battle.

These are the canaries in the coal mine. Before you know it, a coach asks the ref to address a parent standing menacingly behind the goal and then two parents are yelling at each other while one struggles to keep his dog on a leash. I’ve seen this exact episode play out not on the internet, but in my own community.

How do we turn down the temperature around youth and high school sports? I offer this challenge to parents: Go an entire weekend voicing nothing but encouragement and praise. Say nothing to or about officials. Better yet, thank them afterward for doing a job almost no one wants to do anymore due to the sportsmanship epidemic. Say kind things about your opponents. Resist the urge to gossip with other parents about who’s playing where, what playing time they’re getting, etc. Kids hear everything.

And if you’re an athlete reading this, let your parents know how their behavior — good, bad or indifferent — affects you and your love of the game.

But go easy on us, will you? We only want what’s best for you.