This collection of stories originally appeared in the March 2016 issue of US Lacrosse Magazine. We are republishing these stories as they originally appeared in support of Pride Month.

Speaking Their Truth
Chris Sailer and Liz Kittleman Jackson

Chris Sailer never tried to hide that she is gay. But Princeton’s Hall of Fame women’s lacrosse coach never publicized it, either — at least not until someone challenged her to do so nearly 10 years ago.

“We were at a coaches convention, and we spend a lot of time on LGBT issues,” Sailer said. “One of the younger coaches there said straight people, their partners, their husbands, their wives, their kids, they’re plastered all over their bios. She had not one role model in the women’s lacrosse community for gay coaches who was open about their significant others.”

Sailer felt secure at Princeton. She’s now in her 30th season at the prestigious Ivy League university, where she has won three NCAA championships and amassed 360 wins. In 2013, she served on a panel to discuss lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues in the workplace at a Princeton alumni event.

“It’s not a surprise to anyone,” Sailer said. “I felt like I could be that person who made a statement in that way. The next opportunity I had, I did put that information in the bio. I felt like I had a responsibility to be a leader and to be able to speak my truth like my straight coaching colleagues.”

The young coach who prompted Sailer was Liz Kittleman Jackson, now an assistant coach at Penn after five years as the head coach at Columbia. Jackson has been out throughout her 17-year coaching career and was open with her players at Stanford, Haverford, Penn and Columbia. 

“Honestly, the players don’t really react to it,” she said. “They don’t see being gay as being different. They have always embraced me for who I am as a person and for what I can offer them as a coach, and that is the ultimate form of acceptance.” 

That’s not to say Jackson always found it easy.

“Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing for every administrator. I’ve experienced very painful discrimination, which is incredibly disappointing considering how far we’ve come as a society,” she said. “But when dealing with those who don’t accept you, it’s imperative to remember those who do, because they are the people who inspire progress.”

Out of the Shadows
Braeden Lange

Lacrosse has become a leader in the sports world in LGBT awareness and acceptance. In 2006 — long before Jason Collins and Michael Sam became the first openly gay players in the NBA and NFL, respectively — the Boston Cannons drafted Dartmouth’s Andrew Goldstein as the first male professional player from a team sport to come out. Goldstein’s selection came after ESPN documented his story of coming out to his college teammates, who embraced him.

“Before you come out, there’s fear that you won’t be accepted,” Goldstein said. “There’s the assumption that athletes are straight. That has a negative effect on a kid that knows he’s gay, but hasn’t told anyone yet. Almost universally, when players choose to come out, they receive support and respect.”

Twelve-year-old Braeden Lange was one of those kids. A gay lacrosse player from Philadelphia, Lange was bullied after coming out to his friends and teammates last February. Normally wide-eyed and energetic, he became noticeably despondent and later admitted he thought about suicide.

Desperate for help, Lange’s parents found the ESPN video online and reached out to Goldstein. Goldstein responded with a video message in which he applauded Lange for being “the bravest kid I’ve ever heard of,” and shipped his Long Island Lizards helmet to the family’s home in Glenmoore, Pa.  

“It belongs to you, so you know I stand with you,” Goldstein said.

Three months later, Goldstein, now a stem cell scientist at UCLA, organized the Courage Game. Sixty youth and 35 adult players met in Philadelphia over Memorial Day weekend to play a game in honor of Lange.

MLL MVP Greg Gurenlian, former Boston Cannons coach Bill Daye, US Lacrosse president and CEO Steve Stenersen and Virginia coach Dom Starsia all attended. “For me, to lend modestly a little support to a community that has lived in the shadows for a long time, is the least I could do,” Starsia said.

ESPN also was on hand, filming an “SC Featured” segment produced by Greg Garber, the original reporter for the Goldstein story in 2005.

“This could really help the gay youth if they’re ready to come out,” Lange said. “They should know the lacrosse community stands with them.”

In January, USL flew Lange and his family to Florida for the Team USA Spring Premiere at IMG Academy.

Lange was in line for lunch when Rob Pannell walked over to him. “Hey Braeden, we saved you a seat,” Pannell said.

Lange ate lunch with Pannell, Gurenlian and Casey Powell. “He told me it was the best lunch he ever had,” said Scott Lange, Braeden’s father.

US Lacrosse, which recently approved guidelines for inclusion of transgender athletes, has pledged its support of the second Courage Game, which will include a girls’ game and help to fund The Courage Home to build homeless shelters in Philadelphia for LGBT youth.

Not as Rare as You Think
Kyle Hawkins

Not every coming-out story ends with acceptance. There is at least one group that has not come out in the same numbers as others — male college coaches.

Kyle Hawkins came out in 2006 after his eighth year as head coach of the University of Missouri men’s team, which plays in the MCLA. He was dismissed the following year.

As with many club teams, the players themselves ran the team, not the university. After Missouri went 6-9 in 2007, Hawkins’ only losing season, they informed him they would not renew his contract, citing his negative image outside of the school, repetitive practices and player attrition, according to an ESPN report. No other male college coaches have come out.

“They should view it as a cautionary tale,” said Hawkins, who moved to Germany six months after being let go and coached the German U19 men’s team. “We never had a team meeting, and we never talked about it at all. I don’t think I realized for many years just how big a mistake that was. But hindsight is 20/20 and I had been living in a cocoon — playing a role for so many years that it seemed the best and most natural choice.”

Hawkins said he heard offensive terms regularly, saw protests and heard later about unhappy parents. A Great Rivers Conference official was suspended for a year for using a homophobic slur to refer to Hawkins during a game. Hawkins is hopeful that teams, schools and conferences are better prepared nowadays.

“I would like to see coaches associations, national referee associations and the NCAA adopt official policies against negative recruiting —  ‘You don’t want to play for a gay coach, do you?’ — and adopt some sort of training which educates referees and coaches about how they can provide a more positive environment, recognizing that there are already gay players on their teams,” Hawkins said. “Every coach needs to self-evaluate the language he or she uses on the field, in casual conversation, and especially knee-jerk reaction phrases that they learned as a youth. It was hard even for me to eradicate words from my vocabulary that did not contribute to my stated goals, or which might be hurtful to others.”

Perhaps other coaches have viewed Hawkins’ case as a cautionary tale. He remains the only known male college lacrosse coach to come out publicly. 

“We aren’t as rare as you think, but gay coaches have mastered the art of hiding,” Hawkins said. “Before I left the U.S., I tried to get a support group together, but when I was let go, the group disintegrated. I knew of high school and college lacrosse coaches for both men’s and women’s teams who were gay men. Many, many more came from high school and college football, high school and college basketball, and other sports too.”

Hawkins does not regret coming out.

“It is unbelievably unhealthy to seal yourself off from the world and to lie to everyone about who you are, what you are thinking, and who you love,” he said. “When the stress is gone, the physical health recovers quickly, but the mental health takes longer to recover.”

A Changing Culture
Andrew Goldstein

Lacrosse has been ahead of the curve in LGBT issues compared to many sports. Goldstein was drafted eight years before Collins became the first openly gay active NBA player and 10 years before Michael Sam — coincidentally a graduate of Missouri — was selected in the 2015 NFL draft. Division I men’s basketball just had its first assistant coach come out in October.

Of the obvious absence of openly gay male college lacrosse coaches, Goldstein said, “It’s not our job to try to understand why they didn’t come out, and until they come out publicly, those outside of the situation don’t know. But that maybe suggests that there’s still some homophobia on that level.”

A changing culture could help open opportunities. In June 2015, the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage. The You Can Play Project — co-sponsor of the Courage Game with Lacrosse All Stars — and Athlete Ally are dedicated to making sports inclusive for all sexual orientations and gender identities.

“These kids that play in this game aren’t going to say things like ‘fag’ and, ‘That’s so gay,’ as much as they would have because they played in this game,” Goldstein said. “They’ll remember for the rest of their lives that they stood up for a gay kid, and they don’t want to make other people to feel bad like that. If you do want to change the culture, it’s not by waiting for the pros to come out and then supporting them, it’s by raising awareness of the kids, by letting them know who they’re playing alongside for the next 10 years, kids who are gay, straight, maybe transgender. We should be careful of the things we say and we should respect everybody as long as we play sports.”

ESPN wasn’t filming when Sailer flipped the script on her Princeton bio, but she has become to Jackson what Goldstein is to Lange.

“You can never have enough good role models,” Jackson said.

“That was a defining moment,” Sailer said, “sitting in that room, hearing that comment, knowing there’s a double standard and that I should do something about it.”

They stand with each other. They stand with you.